


sight of the stars

by missadlers



Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: Abusing Mother, Angst, Bull finds out he has a kid, Bull is definitely not straight, Bull is single/dating, Depression, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mention of abuse, Neither is Benny, New Beginning, New Chance, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Possible smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Therapy, future Bull/Benny, future relationship, life-changing, more or less slow burn, past mistakes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:19:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missadlers/pseuds/missadlers
Summary: Bull finds out he has a 16 year old daughter laying in the hospital and now it is his job to raise her and help her recover from mental illness.Bull/Benny starting at the end of Chapter Two / middle of Chapter Three.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a cold day in the middle of February, traffic was slow due to all the snow that had been falling all night and is still continuing to keep most people indoors. He was sitting on the backseat of a cab, staring out of the window. Lost in thought, he watched the snow flakes dance through the sky as they were making their way down to the white streets of New York.

He didn't know what to expect. All the police had said on the phone was that the girl laying in the hospital is believed to be his daughter. Apparently, she had come in two days prior with a badly bruised face, two broken rips and a collapsed lung. They had been looking for someone to contact ever since she was brought in and had then found him. Of course, they assured him that they would make a paternal test, before any hasty decisions were done but if she was indeed his daughter, a lot in his life would change.

The cab pulled up outside the hospital, so Bull paid the driver, took a deep calming breath and entered the hospital. He asked the nurse at the reception for the room number and after explaining the complicated situation, he made his way to the 3rd floor where his assumed daughter lay.

Now, he wasn't a nervous person, actually he was usually prepared for whatever obstacle life may have, but this is not a situation you ever expect to be stuck in, so only having to wait outside her room for a couple of minutes before the doctor found him, was quite relieving.

Still he couldn't bring himself to actually enter the room, therefore the doctor suggested they collect the DNA first, so they could compare it to the girl's. The doctor explained it usually takes about two days to get a result, but because this was a special situation, the lab would prioritize this, so that he may have the result by the next morning.

Now that he knew he had to get in there, he found his palms to be quite sweaty. The chance that this was his daughter was pretty high, after all when the police ran her DNA through the system, it had come up with a partial match to his DNA.

"So, I understand this might be a weird situation for you, but the police can't locate her mother and the kid hasn't spoken a word since she's been here, so if, by any chance, you could maybe get her to talk, that would be very helpful."

"I'll see what I can do, doc." He attempted an optimistic smile, but didn't quite get there. You didn't need three Ph.D.'s in psychology and human behavior to understand the girl was terrified.

There wasn't anything he could do about that right now though, except try and be there for her, so he pushed his own fears aside for the moment and sat on a chair next to her bed. She seemed to be awake, considering she was watching him with a reserved and worried expression. He gave her a small smile, but didn't say anything, not wanting to scare her any more than she already was.

She stared at him for a while and an uncomfortable silence hung between them.

"Hey, I'm Jason, and I know you don't know me, and you have no reason to trust me, but I promise you, I'm not here to hurt you, okay?

"I'm just going to sit here for a while and when you want to talk you can talk to me, but no one's forcing you to say anything, do you understand that?"

Of course, she didn't respond to that, but it seemed like she was easing up a bit and with time, she slowly closed her eyes and fell asleep.

He started checking his e-mails on his phone to distract himself from the thoughts swirling through his head and at some point, Marissa had called to ask whether he was coming back to work today, hence he had only left a quick message saying it was somewhat of an emergency before he had promptly left the office to head to the hospital. He told her that he'll most likely not be back for the day, but didn't explain the situation any closer.

About two hours had passed and the girl was still asleep, but at least the police had finally shown up to talk to him, the doctors and possibly the girl. So, he left the room to talk to the police officers outside.

"Have you found her mother yet?"

"Unfortunately not, we only have a ten year old address though, so it's not that surprising," one of the police officers explained.

"And who exactly is the mother?"

"Her name is Katrin Förster, she's originally from Germany, but immigrated to the..."

Bull put a hand up to stop the officer, "Yeah, yeah, I remember her," he sighed audibly.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Well," Bull elaborated, "I met her a while back..." he looked over to the girl still sleeping, and sighed, "that was about seventeen years ago."

The police officers waited a moment, out of respect, before going off to find the doctor and Bull went back in the girl's room, sitting back down in the chair.

A couple of hours later, the girl woke up again, and a nurse and Bull tried to get her to eat a bit of dinner, but eventually Bull settled on the fact that he wouldn't want to eat any of that crappy food either and he actually got a bit of a laugh out of the girl when he said that.

He smiled at her, chuckling softly, "you know what? I have a better idea." The nurse made a remark about the fact that he better did have, indeed, a better idea, because the girl was a bit underweight and if she wouldn't start eating soon, they'd have to feed her through a nasogastric tube.

"Just let me try this." The nurse looked skeptical, but eventually agreed that it would do no harm to let Bull try his idea.

Then twenty minutes later, Bull left for a moment and came back up to the room with a tasty-smelling pizza in hand. The girl actually managed a real smile, when she saw the pizza box being brought in, so Bull sat back down and handed her a slice.

She started by carefully picking the salami off the slice and Bull took it and put it back into the box when he saw she didn't know where to put them. He made a mental note to order a vegetarian pizza the next time, before picking off the salami on another slice.

She whispered a quiet "thank you" when he handed her the salami-less pizza slice.

"You're very welcome." Bull gave her a big smile and went ahead to make the next slice edible.

She ate five slices before she was full and Bull ate the rest after he made sure she didn't want any more. Then he noticed the girl was getting sleepy again, and asked if she would maybe tell him her name before she was going back to sleep.

"Lara," she whispered and closed her eyes to fall back asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a little change concerning the timeline in the first chapter, nothing big though.

Bull had stayed a little longer at the hospital before going home for the night. Once he had arrived at his apartment, he had opened a new bottle of Scotch and gotten comfortable in the living room. It had been a hard day and he had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch, trying to figure out how to handle the situation.

Waking up the next morning, he realized he was in desperate need of a shower, so he took care of that, before heading out for the day. He stopped by the office to catch up on what the team’s been working on the previous day, and told them what to do next. The team all seemed worried about him and kept asking whether everything was okay or if they could help somehow, but he didn’t want to bother them, especially because he needed to figure everything out for himself first.

He hadn’t gotten the DNA results back yet, but the chances that Lara wasn’t his daughter were very slim. It all added up. He had known her mother and had been sleeping with her a couple of times and they had used a condom each time. He never imagined it would all lead to this, though. It hadn’t been anything serious so the fact that Katrin hadn’t called to tell him she was pregnant wasn’t that surprising, but he still would have expected to at least get a call about something this major. He just wished he would have known. Maybe his life wouldn’t have turned out this way, but if she really was his daughter, he would have wanted to be there for her and be part of her life.

He made his way to the hospital and stopped by a little shop on the way there. He wandered the isles not really knowing what to get.

_What do kids like? Well, she’s not really a kid anymore… She should be about sixteen by now…_

He finally decided on a cute stuffed animal that looked like a bear and an edition of the first Harry Potter book. He paid for the stuff and walked the rest of the way to the hospital.

It was still freezing cold, so he was quite glad when he made it back into the warm hospital.

Back in her room, Lara was sleeping, so Bull waited for the doctor to show up with the test results. About an hour later, he finally did show up with a positive result. Lara was indeed his daughter, not that there had been much of a doubt.

The doctor left again and since the girl was still asleep, Bull was left alone with his thoughts. Since the mother would probably not show up again, he had to provide for the child, which means he had to think about the legal issues, which, to be honest, would probably be the easiest thing to handle, considering that’s what he did on a daily basis for other people and he had a whole team to help him. However, he also had to take care of her, which means he probably had to rearrange the guest room in his apartment, make sure she went to school and had food.

God, what was he thinking, he couldn’t possibly care for a child, but it looked like he didn’t have much of a choice; he certainly won’t put her in a foster home, which only gave him one choice, he had to figure this out.

There was, however, something else bothering him, and if what he thought turned out to be indeed right, taking her in would complicate things even more. Given the fact, that the police can’t seem to find the mother anywhere, Bull was starting to think that perhaps her mother caused Lara’s injuries, and if he was right about that, there have most likely been more injuries in the past. It’s no wonder Lara isn’t talking to anyone.

He lost his train of thought when Lara started crying and whimpering in her sleep, so he went over to her bed and gently tried waking her up. She started opening her eyes but immediately jerked away from him when she realized how close he was to her.

“It’s okay,” Bull slowly got away from her and sat back down, “you’re okay, you just had a bad dream, no one’s trying to hurt you, okay?”

She stared at him with big scary eyes and a few tear drops escaped her eyes.

“I have something for you,” Bull told her with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. He reached into the bag he’d brought and gave her the stuffed animal, which she hesitantly accepted.

“And I brought something else as well,” he showed her the Harry Potter book and suggested to read her a bit if that’s what she wanted.

She hugged the teddy bear to her chest and nodded weakly, so Bull began reading, “The Boy Who Lived. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the…”

He had been reading for about three quarters of an hour before Lara started falling asleep again.

He slowly closed the book, putting a piece of paper in it, since he didn’t have a bookmark with him, then put the book back in the bag.

Having nothing else to do, he called Benny and asked whether he could meet with him later; he wanted to go over the legal technicalities of adopting Lara and her living with him. He was hoping he could give him some advice and he was in need of a friend, even if he wouldn't admit this to anyone. He was starting to realize caring for a child would be quite overwhelming and he wasn’t sure if he could do it alone, so hearing from Benny that he would be there for him, might make things a bit easier.

He met with Benny about an hour later. They met at a small café near the hospital and Bull explained the whole situation while they sipped some coffee and ate cake. Benny was a bit surpised at first, but he listened and tried to give advice as best as he could, but child adoption and family court weren’t his field of expertise.

But even though Benny couldn’t give much legal advice, Bull was glad he had someone to talk to about all of this stuff; Benny may not have much experience with children and how to care for them either, but he was still Bull’s friend and knew him better than anyone.

“Thanks, Benny.” Bull smiled at him.

Benny took Bull’s hand for a moment and gave it a light squeeze, “you’re welcome.”

About an hour later they left the café together and Benny walked Bull back to the hospital.

“Did they say when she was allowed to leave?” Benny asked out of curiosity, and because it would give them a time limit as to when they must have figured the situation out. Bull wasn’t registered as Lara’s parent; therefore, he was not legally allowed to take her home with him.

“They haven’t said anything, but now that she’s eating again, they won’t keep her in for long.”

“Let me make some calls and see what I can find out, so that the adoption can go as smoothly as possible.”

“Thanks, Benny, I appreciate it.” Bull gave him a quick hug, before Benny got into his cab.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days had passed since he had met up with Benny, and with the help of Marissa, they had found a lawyer who’s going to take care of the legal technicalities. The adoption would take time, so for now Bull had gotten the judge’s permission to take Lara home to his place as soon as she is released from the hospital, which might take a few more days since Lara had gotten an infection; her chest wound wouldn’t heal and she had a high fever. 

She was still laying on the ICU and Bull sat with her and held her hand while the doctors examined her. It was always a tricky situation when the doctors or nurses had to look at her wounds and possibly touch it. Not only did it hurt, but she didn’t like anyone getting too close. She was scared and Bull did the best he could to be there for her, but there wasn’t much he could do. Her wounds needed to heal or else she wouldn’t be allowed to go home. 

Another three days later and the doctors could finally remove the tube that was going into Lara’s chest. However, she still had to stay a couple more days until the doctors could be sure she could breathe normally and without pain again. The bruises on her face were also starting to fade, so things were starting to look better again. 

Now that she was healing physically, their focus lay on the psychological issues at hand. Bull had called Dr. Levin, an old friend of his, and a renowned psychologist who had helped him in the past, and asked if she would be willing to meet with Lara. She agreed, of course, since Bull promised he would bake her some of his delicious brownies. 

The struggle would be to get her to open up to Dr. Levin, because as of now she had only been speaking to Bull and would never say more than a few words. It would take a long time for her to warm up and open up about how she felt. 

The closer Lara got to leaving the hospital, the more worried Bull got. Providing for her wasn’t a problem, being there for her was. The psychologist in him knew how much support, time and love Lara needed to get better, but he was also aware that he tended to push people away because he always put work first, so how was he supposed to care for a child and have a good father-daughter relationship with her, if all of his former adult relationships had failed because of his work and commitment issues? 

That night, at home, Bull was pacing through his living room, before settling down on the couch, opening a bottle of scotch. After taking a sip, he fished his phone out of his jacket, which he had carelessly thrown over the couch when he had first gotten home, and dialed Benny’s number. Even if he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, he could really use some company, before he got even more worked up over this. 

The whole situation was starting to get a bit too overwhelming, even for him; the rational side of him knew that this was all unnecessary panicking, that it would all fall into place once Lara was home; and that he would work his hardest to be there for her and be a good father. But there was still this one thought gnawing on him, making him question if it might not all be too much. 

Half an hour later, Benny had shown up and they were sitting on Bull’s sofa in front of the fireplace, drinking scotch and talking. Benny kept reassuring him that everything would be fine, that he would be a great father and that he would always be there for him, and help in whatever way he could, just like the rest of his team. 

However, Bull didn’t want to bother them or anyone for that matter; he was a big man and could take care of his problems himself. Benny understood; they were both very private men and didn’t share their feelings, but they also knew they could count on each other to be there for one another no matter what. 

As the conversation progressed the topic changed to a lighter one and soon enough they were sharing old memories. Benny refilled their glasses while Bull laughed, covering his eyes with one hand, at a story from when he had met Benny’s and Izzy’s parents in Puerto Rico for the first time. Benny grinned, handing him his now re-filled glass back. 

They sat in silence for a while, just drinking and wallowing in old memories. 

“Those were better times, weren’t they?” 

Benny looked up at what Bull had said, nodding along, agreeing. He sighed. Everything was easier back then. They had both had someone they could rely on and share everything with. 

Bull stared at Benny, studying him. He remembered doing so at the office, when he was supposed to be working, but couldn’t help his eyes wandering towards Benny, watching him getting worked up over a particularly tricky closing, and wishing he could do something to help relieve that stress. 

But he couldn’t. They had been in a professional environment and he was Benny’s boss. So, he mostly kept his desire to himself. Sometimes, though, he could have sworn he had felt Benny’s eyes on him, following his every move. 

They let the silence draw out for a moment before Bull scooted closer to Benny. He kept his eyes fixed on him, watching every move he might make, making sure Benny was comfortable with this, but when Benny didn’t move away, only sat there, patiently waiting for Bull’s next move, and he saw that Benny’s eyes left his and he was now gazing at his lips, Bull smiled before closing his eyes and leaning all the way in until their lips met. 

Benny tensed up for a moment, but after that first momentary surprise, he relaxed and kissed back, his hand reaching up to Bull’s cheek. 

Several seconds later, they broke apart and slowly opened their eyes to look into one another’s, only to lean back in again. This time, however, it was considerably more heated, and when Benny’s hand wandered into Bull’s hair to pull on it, both tried to get even closer to each other, until Benny was almost sitting on Bull’s lap.

Moments later Bull’s hands reached up and started unbuttoning Benny’s shirt, while Benny swung one of his legs over the taller man’s lap. 

They accidentally spilled some of the scotch on the floor, but no one seemed to notice, earlier conversations were long forgotten and the only thing they could focus on was how to get rid of these clothes. 

Bull’s fingers were fidgeting with the buttons as they’re not coming off fast enough, and when the shirt was finally off, his mouth immediately found new skin to leave marks all over, while Benny was trying his hardest to get Bull’s shirt off. Unbuttoning these damn buttons seemed damn near impossible when he could feel Bull’s stubble grazing over his skin, making him feel things he never thought he’d ever experience with his boss – his ex-brother-in-law. 

Benny has had a crush on his boss for quite a while, but this, he could only dream off. 

He had to clear his head for a moment to make sure he wasn’t just dreaming any of this. It felt too good to be true. But when Bull’s lips lifted off his body to worriedly glance at Benny, Benny groaned at the sudden loss of contact, but a big smile broke over his face as he realized this was indeed happening and he motioned Bull to continue. He only raised an eyebrow at Benny, before finding his way back to where he had left off. 

Now more determined than ever, Benny’s hands went back to unbuttoning the last three buttons before almost ripping the white button up shirt in half. His hands were dragging over Bull’s torso as soon as he had freed the skin from the fabric. In the mean time Bull had already opened the button of Benny’s trousers and was in the process of unzipping it. Now having lost his pants and boxers, he really was at the taller man’s mercy and looking at Bull’s face it was evident he clearly enjoyed having Benny underneath him. 

Bull pushed him on his back and while Benny used his own feet to slip his shoes and socks off, Bull kept teasing him. Naturally, Benny was growing more and more frustrated when the man hovering over him would direct his mouth over his entire body, everywhere but where Benny needed him the most. 

“For fuck’s sake, Bull,” he groaned as Bull was in the process of leaving a mark on his inner thigh. He looked up at Benny, smirking as he looked Benny up, studying him, from head to toe and back. 

Smirking, Bull got up and fished a condom out of his pocket before undoing his belt and pants, so he could pull them down in one swift motion, and lose his footwear while he was at it. 

He got some lube from a nearby shelf, “turn around.” 

Benny was more than happy to oblige.


End file.
